lost in translation

i really should learn to keep my mouth shut much much more.  keep my mouth in in check… my fingers (for chatting and texting and blogging) in check… all-in-all, to just say much much less than what i am doing right now.

(aha, but isn’t this blog entry in itself a contradiction of that first sentence? heh. i really am a walking contradiction.) anyway…

make a mistake once; then fine, you get knocked down and learn from it. make the same mistake again, then you start to question what the fuck went wrong nanaman?? make the same mistake thrice… my god… is there something wrong with me??

as far as i’m concerned, i just have this uncanny ability for being misunderstood. don’t get me wrong, this is not the same "misunderstood" like you’re mad against the world because people just don’t get you. this is literally being misunderstood. you say one thing, then somewhere in-between your lips and the other person’s ears, the meaning gets turned and twisted around until the next thing you know, you’re getting berated for  saying something wrong. you text something, then somewhere along the airwaves, he meaning gets turned and twisted around until the next thing you know, you’re getting berated for saying something wrong.

although i understand that it basically comes down to a matter of perception, which is why i have no problem with apologizing for accidentally hurting the feelings of another person. if i say something and the other person is somehow offended by it (even without me meaning to), i think it would be best to apologize. parang naglalaro ka ng basketball sa kalye, then you take a shot, the ball takes a weird bounce off the rim and errantly hits a bystander in the head… diba dapat lang humingi ka ng tawad kahit di mo sinasadya? however, taking that analogy further, there’s nothing wrong with you throwing the ball into the air to take the shot, so why apologize for shooting the ball?

in the same way, in those scenarios, i also don’t see anything wrong in saying what i said and meaning what i meant because i meant no harm. somehow i just get misunderstood.

it’s a conflicting feeling… being misunderstood in that way…

a part of you is sorry that you hurt someone else, especially if that someone is someone special.
a part of you is also hurt because it casts a reflection of your personality that holds no truth.
a part of you is angry and frustrated: first at yourself for not communicating efficiently, then secondly at the other person for not being able to see that you meant no harm.
ultimately, it’s just a sad situation for a rift to be created just because something was lost in translation.

situations like this are just so draining. a certain line from a radiohead song immediately comes to mind. on the song "fake plastic trees", there’s a part where thom sings "…it wears me out…" over and over again and you could really feel the weakness and frustration in his voice. the song itself has nothing to do with anything, but just that part… wow… i can releate.