Robot

It’s seriously taking a superhuman amount of effort on my part right now to write this entry.

For the past half year or so, this blog has pretty much been sputtering. I remember the time when I had a fierce passion for blogging such that I’d have several entries in a day written without the least amount of effort. The transition from my thoughts to this blog was seamless, and the best thing about it was that I wasn’t blogging about anything trivial or mundane .. I blogged about thoughts and feelings that I felt strongly about.

For example: Recently, I’ve been trying to make reviews about films; when before, it would be me blogging about a specific quote from a film and then elborating on the thought with intense interest. It could also have come from a book or a song… Now, I don’t even have the desire to read anymore and my Murakami collection has been gathering dust in my room.

I think my mind is starting to gather dust as well. Now that I’ve had only a handful of really “good” entries (from my POV) over the past half-year or so, I can’t help but think: Maybe I’ve lost a passion for a lot of things in general, and that’s translated to my blog stagnating. Maybe my thoughts and emotions have indeed become merely mundane and trivial… Could it be that the past several months have started to dull my mind because of stress and routine work?

Maybe. I don’t know. Along with the passion that I’ve lost for blogging, there’s also the sudden disappearance of my once-itchy shutter-finger. The camera that I once lugged around almost everywhere I went has just been idling away inside my drawer for the longest time. Over the past half-year, the only time I really used it is when we went to Boracay. Ahhhh Borcay… ang sarap bumalik.

I also haven’t been to the gym for the longest time. I bet I’ve hit 200lbs already. I’ve been eating a lot of junk lately and my body clock is so fucked up. I’m so work-lagged that I’d fit in perfectly working the graveyard shift for a call-center right now.

I could feel my body clamoring for some exercise… begging for proper rest at proper hours… hoping that I would eat something that actually has nutrition in place of Krispy Kreme, Jolibee and shitloads of sweets.

The good thing is that starting today, I could have a breather…

The monster project at work is finally over. Maybe that could translate to finding time for the gym again. Maybe I could start sleeping right (but… it’s 1:20am right now so… …. ….yeah). Maybe I could slap myself silly so that I would stop eating all the poison in the world that them big companies market as yummy yummy food!

Maybe I could start taking care of my mind and body again. Maybe that would wake the passions I once had.

Maybe.

But right now, I really feel like a rusty old robot.